Chicken & Waffles
so we are in line at the chicken waffles store after the bars close. russ goes the the bathroom, some douche shows up and says hi to the people in front of us, then stands behind me. when russ comes back he starts complaining about “no cutting.” he was being a serious douche about it, I offer to just order what russ wants, russ says he’s just gonna go smoke and isn’t hungry so its all good.
russ leaves and the kid literally just stepped in front of me in line. so I said, look, my friend is gone, you can at least get back behind me. he’s whinin about how he’s been there the whole time. I say to the guys in front of me who always hi five the mcdagos when they see us, but he wouldn’t say yes or no that I was there, also being a douche. I say to the kid, “just get back behind me, ya know you weren’t in front of me.”
he says with the stoopidest, slickest grin on his face, “yea but you aren’t gonna do anything about it”
I twitched, gathered myself and said “don’t tell me I’m not gonna, cause that pisses me off”
he goes “it doesn’t matter, cause I know you won’t” he was so proud of himself for cutting. I storm out of that place and all the homeys in line behind me start yellin “whoa white boy be pissed son”
I tell brian and russ what happened, brian flips and says we need to do somethin. brian and I walk in, go right up to the kid in line, I grab his arm and say, come with me.
he does, that was his first mistake.
then he starts to realize, uh-oh, and resists. we are just inside the door and he is talkin shit to brian and I, we finally get him to “step outside.”
some kid that seemed like maybe he worked there or at least knew the kid was standin next to our shit the whole time. brian got right in his face and said “if punches are thrown, don’t do shit.” the kid was like “ummm, well,” brian just stepped closer in his face, the kid just put his head down and stepped back.
now there was a solid 5 minutes of what I will refer to as “fluffing”… lots of yellin, he kept pushin brian back then I would grab him, then he’d push me off and brian would grab him. but he kept sayin “yo, touch me one more time see what happens,” but he didn’t do anything.
finally, my boys had had it, he was standin square in front of me with his legs spread after pushin me, bein a complete douche. so I kicked him in the balls, immediately followed by a punch to the face.
there was like 3 awkward seconds, I was expecting retaliation, my next punch was ready, brian was ready to completely level him. he sorta turned his attention to just brian, realizing he better stop talking to me because I kick him in the nuts when I’m unhappy.
they started this 1-on-1 talk about goin out behind the building. Another minute of brian waiting for the kid to fight back so he could destroy him, I was pushing him away from brian telling him “look, kid, I’m done, I’m over it, just get inside and order your food” but he wouldn’t back down.
I tried to get the chubby kid who had referred to him by name so I know he is sorta the kids friend, hey, get your friend inside, this is done, we’re leaving. thats about when the other people he said hi to in line came outside and said somethin about “hey, you made us lose our spot in line man” brian’s gf amy said “you guys better just shut the fuck up.”
eventually a cop car pulls over right where we are. I grab brian, pull him away for a sec and say “dude, cops are actually here now, I’ve already kicked him in the nuts and punched him, I’m pretty happy with how this is going, lets get the fuck out of here.” brian agrees, by the time I finish saying this 2 more cop cars pulled up and there are 6 cops walking up to our scene. I’ve got brian wrapped up, he’s still talkin shit, the kid is still offering to go behind the building 1-on-1 now that the cops are here. I just walk by the cops pulling brian saying “this is done, nothing happened, we’re ok, we’re leaving.” We just walked down a side street and left
then when I drive back to drop russ off at his car, we see what seemed like the same 3 cop cars STILL at the chicken waffles store plus a fire truck. the cops STILL had closed that block of monroe at 5am.
“So one time, Dom kicked some douchebag in the balls so hard the fire brigade had to be called….I’m just sayin”
The moral of the story here is don’t get between a fat man and his chicken & waffles!